I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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