six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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