Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
