i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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