And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
