what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
