she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
