I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize