everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
