Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
