we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
