How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
