ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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