he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
