The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
