You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just invented taco cereal.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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