my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
