I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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