she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
