Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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