I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wish i was in the wii world.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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