I am puke
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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