hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
