also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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