I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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