So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
