hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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