So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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