Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
