Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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