Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
