I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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