Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
