hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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