Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
