sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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