dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
