and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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