did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
