My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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