Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
