What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
