we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
