dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
