Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
