Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
