I just saw a hot homeless man
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
