i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
