Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
