Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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