1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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