We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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