there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
