i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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