Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
