The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
