I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can't turn off my feet"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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