i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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