The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
