So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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