I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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