It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
