Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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