That's intense
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
