I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
