Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
