I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
