she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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