Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
