Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
