420 ftw
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
