a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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