i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Bring me that man meat
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
